A rambling mind-dump

So, I've felt like crap since yesterday afternoon.  First I blamed the plane's air, then I blamed Beau.  Then when I saw how many of my friends in Rochester got sick, I concurred that Graham was our Typhoid Mary.  I just hope I haven't spread this nastiness to any of my friends here.   In spite of my physical funk (my blood sugar got really high too.  I started being careful today) I am happy.  The air here smells so wonderful in May.  There always seems to be a soft breeze wafting the smell of lilac and chestnut and whatever else is blooming around for all to enjoy.  Here's a chestnut blossom.  they come in so many colors that I will take my camera out as soon as I get batteries.

The red building you can see through the chestnut tree is the Red University.  You should check it out in Wikipedia.  Interesting history.

The walk up to the restaurant was difficult today, not so much pain as exhaustion.  But Glossary is my haven.  Which leads me to one of my rambles today.  Often in my life I have been a care-taker and haven't done well letting myself be cared for.  Two women at Open Arms sneaked up on me.  Deb brought me coffee before worship and as soon as worship was over Renee found me to give me my coffee.  I noticed their kindness and care for me each time.  I think I didn't acknowledge it enough publicly.  In general whenever I had need or felt troubled, I have borne it alone and not let people who love me help to bear my burdens.  Even when I traveled, I usually did it for someone else or for some work I felt called to do.  I traveled for pleasure rarely.  The trips Florin and I took to Transylvania in 2009 were for pleasure but I didn't recognize it at the time.

I think leaving Open Arms opened my eyes.  I realized that for 9 years, I consciously and unconsciously "carried" each of my people as well as the well-being of the church.  All the time in the last few years as I came to Eastern Europe and Scandinavia, I was always aware of my people and my church.  I realized yesterday when having time to think because I needed to lie down most of the evening and night, I realized that the part of me that "carried" my people and my church was empty.  Not in a bad way.  I realized that I need to be open to letting myself be cared for, open to doing things just for pleasure and not to accomplish anything other than re-creation in both senses of the word.

Then I got to Glossary and had a realization yesterday about more or less the same thing.  Jenia has taken care of me for a year.  He did it by learning what I like, by having suggestions about what I might like, by having my water and coffee ready for me without my asking.  Yesterday he had to leave to pick up his car at the garage and there was a kid whom I've never seen before waiting.  I realized that I was so used to being taken care of that it was strange to have to tell him what I wanted and how I wanted my meal brought.  I noticed that the chef got a phone call - it was Jenia telling them how to take care of me if I came in and he wasn't there.  Service got better after that.  So I realized that I really do like being taken care of and that it's all right to like that.  You'd think I'd have learned this before this age.  Jenia informed me today that he and Kate are taking me to Mirgorod for a brief holiday next week.  I said "sure" without even thinking about it.  There is no purpose in going except to enjoy my Ukrainian adopted family and see a city I haven't seen before.  I had to let myself know that I don't have to feel like I'm shirking duty to do that.  as you can see, I haven't got the hang of any part of this retired thing.  I am constantly amazed that Jenia and Kate have adopted me.  they text me good morning and they text me good night.  And they don't want anything from me except to be part of them.

and then there's that odd synchronicity thing.  An old friend, Jeff, with whom I haven't communicated for a few years, forwarded me a prayer of Fr. Ignacio.  I said his prayer and emailed him back that i thought it was sychronicity because I took Ignatius as priest name.  As I was sitting in Glossary today, I received a reply from Jeff punning on the Police album with that name.  As I was reading it, the music piped in to the restaurant changed to a playlist with the Police, Sting and U2.  The universe connects us.  We just have to look and listen.

Ok, I knew I had a long ramble in me.  I wonder how many will have the patience to make their way through it.  But, as always, I write and send it out there.  I don't require of expect that anyone read it or read all of it.  No expectations makes thing so much easier.

running out of gas

So, Friday evening is not going to see me out on the town.  Not at all.  I'm out of gas, I'm tired, I'm going to read and sleep.  My throat is a bit scratchy as it almost always is after long plane rides.  Planes are incubators of all the germs anyone is breathing out.  A transatlantic flight gives them enough time to reach everyone.  So, I am taking it easy, and if I don't feel better in the morning, I'm going to cancel plans with my friends tomorrow night.  They are going to a fabulous Cathedral which is part of a large monastery of women.  I don't want to waste time being sick, so I'll just take care of it in the beginning.  I'll keep you posted.

Is it really only the 3rd day?

As I woke up to the sound of my doorbell ringing at 8:30, I thought about ignoring it.  The garbage trucks had awakened me at 4:30 and I had trouble getting back to sleep.  So, with bedhead a t-shirt and commando jeans, bare-footed I opened the door.  It was my bishop friend, disgustingly awake and cheerful.  Now I know 8:30 isn't early and I'm usually up but I'm not used to drinking more than one beer and I was feeling lazy.  He had forgotten something when they all ran out of here in time to catch the last Metro last night - only a few hours ago, it seemed.  We chatted for a while before he left to meet a group from Russia who needed a tour of Kyiv.  He is a most excellent tour guide.

I puttered around cleaning up from last night and washing dishes.  I haven't unpacked yet.  Maybe today.  Somehow, it got to be afternoon and I have to go out in search of lunch.  After a beautiful sunny morning, it has clouded up and I can hear rumbles of thunder.  I'll wait till the showers pass so I don't get soaked (even with an umbrella) like I did yesterday, then I'll forage for lunch.

It seems unreal that this is my second full day in Ukraine.  I feel like I've been here for a long time.  The transition is easier each time.  I don't know what I'll do today but I know I want to stop in my favorite cathedral and light candles in front of St. Panteleimon, St. Barbara, and in front of an icon of Holy Mother.  My back can use a few metanias (deep bow) to loosen up.  Then I'll probably end up at Glossary.  If i've already found lunch elsewhere, I'll have a cappuccino.  Jenia finishes his 10 days of 12 hour shifts on Sunday night.  He tells me that he and Kate and I will "drink good beer and eat salt fish. Yes!"  You really have to hear that in a heavy Russian accent.  It was not so much an invitation as an expectation.  I guess family gets to be more demanding than ordinary folks.

I have so many more people to see who are currently out of the city, and some out of the country for this extended May Day holiday. I must have been crazy when I set up this way-too-brief stay.  I don't know why I didn't just stay 3 months.  As much as I am looking forward to a week in Romania and the friends I will see there, I find myself just wanting to be planted here.  I feel healthier here.  The walking and hills and people are good for my body and my spirit. 

So, i may be able to get to the cathedral before the rains hit, so I'm off.  More later.

Perfect end to my first full day

At around 7, Bishop Vladimir and Zhitomir Vladimir came to my apartment. Boris and Ivan came later. we ate and drank beer and talked and laughed and told stories for over 4 hours. They left in time to catch the last Metro.  It was a wonderful evening with good friends. On Saturday evening I will go with them and other friends to a women's monastery. I am SO lucky.

Thursday morning

I had forgotten from last year that May Day is a big deal in this part of the world.  It is a 4 day national holiday and many people travel.  There is a relaxed air and many fewer people are out and about.  It feels good to be home.  I'm glad I was able to get the same apartment as last time.  It added to the feel of comfort, even if it also contains the knowledge that the cupboard and fridge are bare and I must go shopping today.  I just about lost Wednesday with time change and travel.  It was almost 3pm by the time I got to my apartment.  I took a two hour nap.  I set the alarm for an hour and a half but couldn't get up before two hours. I showered, glad there was hot water, sometimes there isn't in the afternoon.  I walked uphill to Glossary Cafe, realizing just how achy and short-winded I was. I was able to get my usual table in the corner and Jenia came rushing from behind the counter for a vigorous handshake,grin and hug.  It felt good to have been missed.  He brought my usual openers: sparkling water (Morshynska brand) and cappuccino.  I had cabbage salad (I couldn't believe how "right" it tasted) and had savory chicken meatballs in a tomato sauce and buckwheat groats.  I remember when I first tasted groats.  I didn't like the strong taste.  Yesterday they tasted like comfort food.  Another cappuccino and I was ready to  go home.  It was just starting to get dark.  I read and finally got to sleep.  I was surprised that it was 8 when I woke up.   I showered and walked down to McDonald's on the main st., Khreshchatyk for a cappuccino.

When I caught up on all my emails, I left to walk back to the apartment.  I mentioned last year that there are often activities going on outside this McDonald's.  Today was an anti-nuke demonstration:  a young man with an anti-nuclear bomb sign, two young women in red tshirts shouting loudly, and the center-piece: a large, fleshy woman in a brassy blonde wig, ample boobs hanging, completly bare, large belly with "bad bomb" written in black letters, large bottom covered in hot pink bikini bottom, knee high boots, elbow length gloves, pearls.  very effective.  I could have taken a picture but figured it was a bit inappropriate for blogging. I LOVE this country.

Travel

Over the past few days I had an immense list of things that I hoped to accomplish.   I got the basics done.  There's an immense list of unaccomplished list items. Sigh.  The story of my life.

I was up at five.  I tossed and turned all night and found that I just got really sleepy when it was time to get up.  Coffee first.

Naida came to collect me around 9 and we arrived at the airport around ten.  I walked in and was surprised by six women from church there to see me off, holding signs in Ukrainian.  It was great to get hugs and kisses before flying away.  I also had several emails from my Orthodox bishop urging me to rest and self-care.

The flight to JFK was uneventful.  I was upgraded to first class.  I had a long layover at JFK so I hung out in the Delta Sky Club an snacked and drank coffee for a few hours before heading over to my terminal for a 6pm flight to Amsterdam.  I was in the center aisle of the KLM flight. It was a Boeing 777.  i had an aisle seat, the center seat was empty and the other aisle seat was taken.  After an excellent dinner with wine and a Heinecken, I drowsed for a few hours then read.  We arrived in Amsterdam around 7:20 Central Europe Summer Time (around 2a.m. New York time).  Now I'm hanging around for a few hours before my flight to Kiev.  So far it shows as on time.  If all goes well, we should arrive just after 1pm. After I clear customs and immigration, i will be met by my driver to go to my apartment.  I'll shower and nap for a few hours and walk up to Glossary Cafe, my usual restaurant.  I emailed my friend, Jenia, yesterday to pick up a SIM card for my phone and put some money on it.  So by tonight, I will have my Ukrainian phone number.

I'll post this now because I only have a few more minutes of interne service.  So far, all is well.

Preparation and Reflection

Friday morning: April 27.  4 days until I fly to Kyiv.  Two days until my final Sunday at Open Arms, my church home since 2000.  I am reflective these days.  People seem to think that I am leaving my culture to go the East.  In fact, I am returning to it.  From the time I was a youngster, my eyes and heart have turned toward the East.  I found peace and comfort in the Maronite and Byzantine Catholic Churches while just into my teen years.   I entered the Jesuits, the Society of Jesus, for the purpose of being sent to Baghdad.  I studied and sang Arabic and Aramaic as part of the choir of Our Lady of the Cedars of Lebanon Church in Boston.   Saeedat-il-Arz in Arabic.  My preparations were for service in the Eastern Churches.  My love of eastern divine liturgy has been a constant.

I didn't expect the great honor of being ordained a priest of the Ukrainian Autocephalous Orthodox Church - Kiev Patriarchy but that honor came to me anyway.

So, going to Ukraine, having MCC duties and responsibilities for Eastern Europe, creating a life and a network of relationships in the East is not a turning my back on all things American or Western.  It is a re-turning to a passion I've had all my life for the Eastern Church.  To be loved back by my friends in the East is just an indication of more blessings and rightness in my life.