From Friday to Wednesday

There are a few oddly-assorted pics at the bottom.  Also, earlier, I added a wedding picture to my last Thursday post.

We left Nikolaev at 6 and arrived at the airport in Odessa just before nine.  We had to stop along the way at an Azerbaijani gas station to get some coffee.  Andrii dropped us at the airport and Marisia, Joel and I went right to the coffee shop to get another coffee - a very bad coffee it turned out to be.  We visited for an hour until it was time to check in to the flight to Kiev.  An uneventful flight.   Marisia and I shared a cab from the airport since we live in the same neighborhood.  They dropped me on the corner and I walked to the apartment.  I puttered around, showered, changed and walked up to Glossary to see Jenia and have a meal.  When I told Jenia that there was nothing on the menu that appealed to me, he asked me what I would eat if I could have anything.   Half-jokingly, I replied "borsch".   He went and spoke to the chef and the chef said that if I had a few hours to hang out and wait, he would make me borsch.  I did and he did.  It was wonderful.

On Saturday, I knew that the opening ceremony for Kiev Pride would be held.  The location was still a secret.  I checked with Zoryan around noon and he had not heard the location yet, but he called me shortly after that to say he had the location of opening ceremony so we met near Red University and took a take to the southwestern edge of the city to a resort hotel.  The ceremony was supposed to begin at 1 but it really took until 2:30 to get people registered and gathered.  There were representatives from the Dutch, German, and Spanish Embassies.  I was quite disappointed that there was no official representation from the US Embassy.  Bishop Vladimir came in full clerical robes.  I was proud of him for that.

The whole thing was extremely poorly organized.  There were too many speeches.  The sound system was poor.  We were promised that we would be informed about the location of the Pride march on Sunday shortly before gathering time.

There were going to be workshops in late afternoon after a poetry reading.  I didn't want to stay and Zoryan agreed.  We decided to go in search of a late lunch which we did at a Georgian restaurant that had really good ethnic back ground music.  We stayed over lunch for a long time.  We had eggplant roll-ups, filled with a ground walnut/cumin paste.  It was a very different taste and I liked it.  We then had a big plate of greens: green onions, cilantro sprigs, dill sprigs, tomatoes, cucumbers, and sweet red pepper wedges.  We also had shaslik  which is shish-kebabs.  We got beef and pork.  The meat was wonderfully marinated and was served with a savory pomegranate syrup.  We topped the meal off with a cappuccino and took a taxi to my place where Zoryan dropped me off and went on to meet his boyfriend.  It was the largest meal I had eaten since arriving.

We had decided not to have liturgy on Sunday morning because we knew we had to be available to go to the Pride March when we got notice.  There were bands of homophobic bigots spread out all over the city keeping watch for us.  Notice went out that anything obviously "gay" should not be worn because of danger.  We were also advised to avoid the center of the city.  We heard that there were as many as 6000 well-organized homophobes just looking to cause violence and disrupt anything we wanted to do.  Ultimately, the march was canceled and three of the leaders were beaten, one badly.   As of today (Wednesday) he is fine, thank God.  There has been extensive press coverage all over the region and the European Parliament will certainly discuss the matter and issue a statement when they meet.  It's not necessarily a bad thing that we couldn't march.  And Kyiv is not generally a dangerous place at all.  Bigots are everywhere.

Around 17:00, Zoryan texted asking if I'd like to meet him and his boyfriend, Timur, in the center at McDonald's.   Of course I agreed.  We spent about an hour together.  This is the third boyfriend of Zoryan I have met.  I've liked them all.  He has really good taste in men.  I always wonder if "this" is the one he'll end up with.

Monday was a beautiful day.  It was about 80 with a soft cool breeze.  Kostya texted and asked if I'd like to spend some hours together.  We met and had coffee at an outside restaurant and ultimately walked to a local Ukrainian fast food place called Puzata Khata (which doesn't translate well but I would translate it "Comfort Food")  They have just about all the typical home cooking one could want, obviously not as good as home made but great for people who want to have home cooking fast and cheap.   I had compote which is really the liquid left behind when you boil fruit, red borsch, and two kinds of varenyky, potato and cabbage.  It was exactly what I wanted.  We then walked up to a park near a theater and sat enjoying the temperature and the breeze.

I took a down day on Tuesday.  I lazed around, didn't shower, didn't go out and just read books.  It was great.  I'm a the end of my clean clothes.  The washer broke down on Sunday and the repairman didn't come until today.  Fortunately it was a simple repair - it needed a new belt.  I will do a load of wash right now and at 17:30 or 18:00 will meet my friend, Sergei.  I haven't seen him since I arrived.  Actually I was supposed to meet with a different Sergei but that will have to wait.

My time is going too darned fast.  Why, oh why, did I schedule myself so poorly.  I will certainly not be ready to leave Kyiv on 5 June, although I will be happy to see friends in Bucharest for a week.  Here are a few pics:

Zoryan clowning around at the opening of Pride on Saturday:

Sheremet, after he was beaten and had pepper spray in his eyes on Sunday:

While violence was going on elsewhere, here are two people who look like statues dressed in traditional cossack costumes, except for the bronze paint!

Nikolaev - Thursday evening

As I write this it's already Monday morning and I have to catch up.  On Thursday at 18:00 we gathered in the small conference room.  On the table in front were colorful Ukrainian cloths, a huge fancy loaf of Easter bread at least 2 feet across and a carafe of wine.  We were going to celebrate a wedding of two women: Julia and Svitlana.  Edwin was in his full police uniform but Ellie was going to be delayed because she was being interviewed.  They were going to be honor guards for the couple.  We had 50 or 60 people in attendance.

I had sent the text of the ceremony to Andrii who would serve as my translator.  He and I have a really good working relationship and we can work together without being very formal.  I regret to say that I, as yet, have no pictures of the ceremony but I will post them when I get some. (EDITED Wedneday - here's a pic:)

It was a beautiful ceremony including the exchange of rings.  When it came time for the vows, Edwin stood beside the couple as a witness.  Did I mention a few times how hot he looked in his uniform?

After the wedding was finished.  I spoke to the gathered folks about church and about communion and told them that I understood that many of them were estranged from the church because of the church's institutionalized homophobia.  I explained what communion was, not the theology of it but rather the meaning of it.  I then asked them if they wanted me to celebrate communion with them.  They were kind of shocked to be asked.  A young red-haired woman with whom I had had a great conversation the night before stood and said clearly "yes, we want this."  There was general agreement that they wanted this.  When I issued the invitation to communion, I spoke of how Jesus and his friends used to eat a little bread and drink a little wine together because that's what friends do.  I invited them to eat a little bread and drink a little wine with me.  About a third came to receive communion.  I received after they did.  Imagine my shock when I drank the cup and found that it was not wine but grape juice.  The general joke of the evening was that I had performed a reverse miracle and change wine into grape juice.

After the ceremony, we signed certificates for the couple just married as well as for the two couples from last year.  Edwin and Ellie signed as “official” witnesses for all the certificates.  We then went back to the office for a little party for the international guests.  There were platters of various kinds of varenyky.  Awesome.  After we ate, we celebrated the 10 years together of Oleg and Andrii and again we signed a certificate for their renewal of vows.  I finally could take off my stole and be unofficial.
Friday morning, I got up at 5 and got ready to leave at six.  Marisia, Joel and I were driven to the airport (two hours by car) and then Marisia and I flew to Kiev while Joel waited for a much later flight to Brussels.

Nikolaev - Thursday middle of the day

When we returned to the conference hotel, Edwin and Ellie had to go their rooms to put on their full uniforms.  They are members of Pink and Blue, a police unit of gay and lesbian officers in Amsterdam who not only are on call 24/day for calls about "incidents" but also do training for new police officers and help officers who are investigating gay-related incidents.  They and some Ukrainian police officers were part of a round table discussion.  There was also a representative of the Ukrainian regional government.  We heard national and international reports on police mishandling of gay-related incidents and the abuse that gays have to endure often at the hands of the Ukrainian police.  The Ukrainian officers and officials were uncomfortable hearing the data and reports.  There were quite a few reports and fact and figures and charts.  It was academic and dry.  And then Ellie got up to report on the Netherlands and the development of the gay and lesbian unit Pink and Blue.  She was engaging and funny and beautiful in her uniform. the audience absolutely loved her and gave her the best applause so far.  She's a champion.  Edwin gave occasional facts and mostly looked very handsome in his uniform.  He's a great guy.  The two of them and their unit have done such an outstanding job in Amsterdam that their model will be used for national implementation in Amsterdam and they are beginning to be available for trainings internationally as well. Here's a picture of Edwin and Ellie in their uniforms - ooh la la:

After the presentation, it was mid-afternoon and they went off with the Ukrainian police to fraternize and view the police base.   Joel and I sat in the lobby to take advantage of internet access and then went to get something to eat at the hotel restaurant.  I had solyanka, a meat soup and mlintsi with apricot jam (mlintsi are crepes).  I had to leave to get ready for my part of the program which would start at 18:00.

Nikolaev - Thursday

After a short night's sleep, we met early to drive to the LIGA office (LIGA is a very successful LGBT advocacy group in Nikolaev - this was their 4th Pride and they are really good at it.  Their executive director, Oleg is a wonderfully funny guy.  I first met him in 2009 in Timisoara, Romania at a conference for activists.  He's the one who started calling me "Jimmi").  We waited until everyone was there and began walking towards our target site, a monument, where we would have a flashmob for IDAHO (international day against homophobia).  After a brief speech, white balloons were released and then we disbanded back to the office.  The balloons stayed clustered far far up into the sky.  It was beautiful.  The international observers sat apart from the activists to make sure there was no problem with authorities or anti-gay groups.  There was no problem.  Here are various Flashmob pictures:

These are some of the international observers.  from left to right Edwin, Dutch Police Officer, Marisia, 1st Secretary of Embassy of Netherlands, Yury, UNDP, Tim, Dutch documentarian 

Jochem, Tim and Nikolas, all Dutch.

The flashmob group walking towards our site:

Oleg, director of LIGA at monument

The flashmob group approaching the monument:

Getting the balloons ready.

The international observers from left to right: Joel, Edwin, Ellie, Marisia, Yury

The front side of Joel this time, Edwin and Ellie

the speech about combatting homophobia has begun:

Preparing to release the balloons.

I missed the balloons flying because I wanted a picture of Ellie taking a picture of the balloons flying.

And after the Flashmob, we went back to the office and then to the conference hotel.

like the butcher who backed into the meat grinder...

I got a little behind in my work.  Get it?

I'm sorry I'm days behind.  It's been intense and I didn't always have great internet in Nikolaev.  First of all, here's what I thought of this morning and acted on my thought:

On Wednesday, my driver picked me up at 06:20 to take me to the airport for an 08:25 flight to Odessa.  Andrii had come to meet me.  It was about 9:30 - short flight.  He told me we had to stay 4 hours at airport because three Dutch participants would come from Vienna and one French participant from Warsaw.  We had a good chance to visit and catch up on news.  Our colleagues all arrived on time.  Edwin and Ellie are from an elite police section called Pink and Blue from Amsterdam.  Of course they are police officers.  Jochim is a diplomat of sorts.  Joel is from ILGA-Europe and is Senior Policy and Programs Officer.  A very congenial group.  We had a nice time on the two hour drive to Nikolaev.  I was excited that I would see Ellie and Edwin in their Police uniforms!  maybe a small fetish...  The First Secretary of the Netherlands Embassy would arrive later from Moldova by train.

Opening ceremonies were in the evening at a nightclub upstairs in a private room.  Of course we had speeches and welcomes and we international observers had to sit in the front row.  I was sitting near Joel who's a really nice guy.  His face, in repose, always has a slight smile and he has a very welcoming manner.  Part of the entertainment was an entertainer.  I suppose he was a kind of drag queen but I really don't know what to call him.  In the course of the entertainment in which he boistrously sang Russian pop songs, he plopped himself in Joel's lap.  Joel was a good sport about it and I didn't envy him.   but shortly the performer decided that if one lap was good, two were better and plopped into my lap as well.  It was a really fun performance and really engaged the crowd.  Here he is.  Sorry for the quality, the lighting was odd.

We ate after that.  It was my first meal of the day at 9pm (21:00).  After eating there was dancing and we went back to the hotel about 10:30.  It was a really nice hotel but no elevator.  I was on the third floor.  It was a challenge every time although I'm starting to feel more strength and less ache in my legs.  In the course of this first day, Ellie and I became fast friends.  She is so awesome.  I will try to keep her.  I will pick this up later.

A very satisfying Sunday

It was downright chilly Sunday morning and I ran around closing windows when I woke up.  After a week of constant sleep, I decided that I needed to make a rising time and stick to it for the most part.  So I chose 07:00.  I got up and showered and picked up the house.  Bishop Vladimir arrived around 10:30 and we did preparation for liturgy.  Fr. Melkizedech came in followed by Boris and Ivan.  We expected others but they were no show.  That was fine.  Boris had made the bread for communion (prosphora).  I didn't bring an Orthodox stole but had my riasa, outer cassock which was made for me in 1967 to use in Baghdad.  It's still in perfect condition after all these years.  We celebrated Divine Liturgy together in a reverent yet relaxed way.  Volodya (nickname for Vladimir) gave a sermon on the scriptures which were the Samaritan woman at the well and Jesus walking on water.  I have several photos taken during and after the liturgy.  This is such a wonderfully comfortable group!  Melchizedek wanted to try on the rainbow stole so we all posed and laughed acted a bit silly.  I'm sorry some of the photos are out of focus but I think some of the fun shows through anyway.  After we broke our fast, Boris and Melkizedech decided to make borsch so Ivan and Boris went shopping.  They took over the kitchen and the smells of onion and garlic wafted through the house.  Finally it was done.  And it was worth the wait.  Home made borsch has to be one of the best foods ever.  Ivan had to make a market run because we realized we didn't have any of the essential ingredient smetana - sour cream for the soup.  I spent a quiet evening.  Volodya came back around 22:00 because he had forgotten his house keys.  I was up reading anyway so no problem.  I had hoped to get up to Glossary for a cappuccino but never made it.  I had borsch for breakfast and as a bedtime snack at midnight.  I've got about two servings left which I'll finish before I leave Wednesday to Nikolaev. 

Here are the pics:

Bishop Vladimir communion for the priests

Our dear Volodya does love to pose!

Melkizedech wanted to try the rainbow stole.

Some of the comments started getting funny right about here.

And then we lost control.  Melkizedech has a wonderful big laugh.

Some of the expression on Volodya's face are priceless.

Imagine this

Imagine walking down a wide boulevard.  The temperature is perfect at 78, the humidity is low, there's a soft breeze, the air is filled with sweet scents from the flowering trees and bushes, and it seems like a warm snowfall with the millions of fluffy cottonwood seeds blowing everywhere.  I can't imagine a more  beautiful early evening.

Today is the first day since Monday that I feel well.  The walk to Glossary was not an ordeal and it was a welcome walk stretching muscles with a sense of healing rather than pain and weakness.  I was not nearly as short-winded as even yesterday.  I've been careful not to overdo.  Kate texted this morning to see if I needed her to do any shopping for me.  Jenia texted from work to hope he'd see me today.  It's funny how some foods don't tire me, like the cabbage salad that everyone makes fun of me for.  We just don't have tender young cabbage at home as they do here.  Something smelled good so I asked what it was and found that it was the chicken meatballs in a spicy oniony garlicky tomato sauce served with steamed whole buckwheat grains.  Normally a cookie is served with cappuccino and a pot of turbinado sugar with cappuccino.  Early in the week, I asked Jenia to not bring sugar or cookies since I was trying to get my blood sugar down. Instead of bringing nothing, today he brought two perfectly ripe strawberries with my before-meal coffee and a slice of a kind of white melon I've never had before that tasted like honey with my after-meal coffee.

Friday night was a repeat of last Friday night.  Bishop Volodya, Fr. Melkizedech, Boris, Ivan, and Igor came over and hung out with me till 11:30 when, once again, they had to scurry for the last metro.  Lots of planning and laughter.  Melkizedech is a young priest (32 on Monday) who is very bright and very large and very jolly.  He has a great laugh.  While they were there, Volodya got a call from another priest friend in another part of county who is a Facebook friend.  He and I had a chance to hear each others' voices for the first time.  We decided that we will make a united religious presence in the Pride parade.  They are a little afraid, but I told them I will walk with them so they shouldn't be too afraid.  Hopefully we won't see stones or eggs thrown at us.

Early this afternoon, Volodya and Boris came to drop off the items we'll need for divine liturgy tomorrow which will be at my apartment at 11am.   It will be the first time I have liturgy with them as an Orthodox priest.  It is also the first time I will see several of my friends since I arrived.

It's been a good day.  For the next days I will walk more and more to build up my strength.  I will enjoy my friends and thank God for life and health and family.  Oh, here are some photos from today.

This is an adventitious chive.  Don't know how it got here but it's a survivor:

And here are the colorful buildings along my boulevard.  The yellow one is part of the library of the National University system and the red one is the Red University you saw in one of the photos I posted the other day.  The late afternoon sun makes the colors incredibly vibrant.

And finally the national opera house, also on my street.  I pass all these things daily on my walks.  I never get tired of their beauty.  There are always people, young and old, lined up to buy tickets or to attend a performance.

Signs of life...

So it's late Friday afternoon and I think I might live.  I thought that prematurely yesterday.  I was more cautious today.  I got up late, had breakfast, felt better than I had so I went back to  bed to read.  Around 3, I got up to shower, dress and go out.  I knew I'd see how I was doing by my uphill climb to the cross street I had to reach to go down to McDonald's at Lva Tolstoho metro station.  I had to take it slow but I did all right.  I hadn't eaten meat in many days so I had a Chiken becon meniu.  Meniu is meal.  The fries are really different here.  Actually they taste more like home made than ones you'd get at McDonald's at home.  Must be the oil.  They use a lot of sunflower seed oil in Ukraine.  I don't know what McDonald's uses.  It's a big square sandwich, a chicken patty, a piece of bacon, shredded lettuce.  The bun is toasted and the top has both sesame seeds and small embedded pieces of pork product.   It's kind of ok.  Not as good as I'm used to here.  The meal combo coast just under $7.  It was more than I'm used to eating at one time here.

The walk home was a bit more challenging.  I had to use the street underpass and the many steps to the surface were tiring.  I had to stop a few times.  Likewise, the hill was a challenge and I had to stop a few more times. When I got to the corner of my street, it was all downhill.   Add the heat which returned today after a few days of cold, chill off and on rain, and I was a sodden mess by the time I collapsed in my chair feeling quite triumphant, even though it sound anything but.  I really feel like I'm on the mend.  Daily walks and hills and stairs will do this body good.  It was a hard winter on Lupron and my recovery time is slower this time.

Jenia called this morning, yelling at me for not calling him to tell him I was sick. (You know I'm not good at that.)  Jenia's comment was "I am your family in Ukraine.  Why you didn't call me?  You can always call me if you need something." (I really do need to get better at that.)  Vladimir called also worried about me.  We were supposed to go someplace together this morning and I had to cancel.  He and the same friends as last week are coming over this evening.  It will be good to see him.  He felt sad because he met some former students who used to listen to him but when they found out he is gay, they reviled and rejected him.  It will do him good to sit among friends tonight.

I promised to send some pics of my apartment, so here they are.  I decided not to pick up the place but show you as it is.  I'll pick up before my friends come tonight.

Entryway:

















Kitchen:

Bedroom:

Bath:

Living Room:

an unexpected view

Let me put the view first:

that is the light fixture on the very high ceiling of my bedroom.  I have been staring at it since yesterday since I've been flat on my back.  You wouldn't think that the simple act of rising from a chair could cause one's back to go into spasms.  And there was an added problem when I woke up this morning: there was no food in the house.   I lasted as long as I could and then showered around 11:30, dressed and literally hobbled to the market a few doors down.  I got what I needed and the bag put my off balance so get back to my apartment (thank God it was close) was just plain sad!  I ate and undressed and went back to bed.

Now, don't think I'm complaining about any of this.  Some of you have come to know that self-care is not my strongest attribute.  I'm usually pretty good at taking care of others.  As I reflect, I know that I have been working for a long time without a break and the past several weeks have been very emotional and transition-filled as well.  I really have become bone tired and have not acknowledged that.  I hit the ground running in Kiev two days after leaving Open Arms.  God/Nature/Universe knew that I needed to stop and also knew that I wasn't smart enough to choose that.  So when the plague wasn't enough to stop me, another intervention made it so I can't get around.  I am still in pain but improving and I feel much better for the enforced rest.

There have been requests for pictures of my apartment which I'll take tomorrow morning..  I have another day of rest tomorrow and then Friday I will try to resume my schedule.  I have a planned trip to Pechersk Lavra with Bishop Vladimir.

red chestnut

This is a picture of the red Chestnut tree outside my living room window.

Seemings...

So, it's Tuesday morning and I stayed in bed until 11.  A week ago I left home to begin my trip.  It feels like months ago.  I was supposed to go to Bila Tserkva (White Church) with some friends, but Jenia got called into work today.  Maybe tomorrow. It's a city about 100km from Kyiv and is a resort city with healthy waters for bathing.

It seems I wasn't as over my plague as I thought.  I felt pretty crappy last night and went to bed early to read.  Maybe part of my tired/achiness is the adjustment to being retired.  It felt so unusual to not wake up early that I just rode the sleep as long as I could.

Sunday night

Well, I think it's safe to say that I have begun to feel better.  My bishop friend called early about divine liturgy but I told him it would be better today if I don't come because I don't want any of my friends to catch what I've got.  He said he'd call tonight and perhaps tomorrow we will go to the Lavra (monastery/spiritual center).  I walked the few steps downhill to the supermarket to pick up a few things and huffed and puffed like an old man getting back to my apartment.  A bit later I walked to Glossary for lunch and it felt like really hard going because I was so short-winded.  But I took my time and step by step climbed the hill till I got there and gratefully sat at my usual table.  Since my blood sugar was way up yesterday, I have been very careful.  I declined the cookie that usually comes with cappuccino and drank a couple of bottles of water also.  After my cabbage salad, I decided I wouldn't have anything else but another coffee.  Knowing I have to be careful, Jenia didn't bring sugar with the coffee and instead of a cookie, he brought me an apple.  He cracks me up.  It was a really good apple.  I'm not sure what variety, but it was yellow and very nice.

I decided to walk down to a bigger market to get Tide so I can do some laundry.  Markets here sell wine and hard liquor - no, I didn't buy any.  As I was walking home, I took a shortcut through a park and found a wonderful peony bush, the likes of which I had never seen.  Here's the flower:

At first, I thought it was a hibiscus but it's too early for that.  It was a real struggle to make it home but I didn't have a lot of choice, did I?    I sat for about 45 minutes and then left uphill again for a 4pm meeting with the head of the Pride committee.  It was a good conversation, after which I came home, covered in sweat and took a shower.  Almost as soon as I got home, the thunder rolled in and the temperature dropped.  I've spent a pleasant evening reading and catching up on email.  I am really happy to be here and have the motivation to push my body.  It's the only way I'll regain the ability to walk uphill and climb the stairs on the Metro.  So, in spite of the difficulty, it feels good.

A rambling mind-dump

So, I've felt like crap since yesterday afternoon.  First I blamed the plane's air, then I blamed Beau.  Then when I saw how many of my friends in Rochester got sick, I concurred that Graham was our Typhoid Mary.  I just hope I haven't spread this nastiness to any of my friends here.   In spite of my physical funk (my blood sugar got really high too.  I started being careful today) I am happy.  The air here smells so wonderful in May.  There always seems to be a soft breeze wafting the smell of lilac and chestnut and whatever else is blooming around for all to enjoy.  Here's a chestnut blossom.  they come in so many colors that I will take my camera out as soon as I get batteries.

The red building you can see through the chestnut tree is the Red University.  You should check it out in Wikipedia.  Interesting history.

The walk up to the restaurant was difficult today, not so much pain as exhaustion.  But Glossary is my haven.  Which leads me to one of my rambles today.  Often in my life I have been a care-taker and haven't done well letting myself be cared for.  Two women at Open Arms sneaked up on me.  Deb brought me coffee before worship and as soon as worship was over Renee found me to give me my coffee.  I noticed their kindness and care for me each time.  I think I didn't acknowledge it enough publicly.  In general whenever I had need or felt troubled, I have borne it alone and not let people who love me help to bear my burdens.  Even when I traveled, I usually did it for someone else or for some work I felt called to do.  I traveled for pleasure rarely.  The trips Florin and I took to Transylvania in 2009 were for pleasure but I didn't recognize it at the time.

I think leaving Open Arms opened my eyes.  I realized that for 9 years, I consciously and unconsciously "carried" each of my people as well as the well-being of the church.  All the time in the last few years as I came to Eastern Europe and Scandinavia, I was always aware of my people and my church.  I realized yesterday when having time to think because I needed to lie down most of the evening and night, I realized that the part of me that "carried" my people and my church was empty.  Not in a bad way.  I realized that I need to be open to letting myself be cared for, open to doing things just for pleasure and not to accomplish anything other than re-creation in both senses of the word.

Then I got to Glossary and had a realization yesterday about more or less the same thing.  Jenia has taken care of me for a year.  He did it by learning what I like, by having suggestions about what I might like, by having my water and coffee ready for me without my asking.  Yesterday he had to leave to pick up his car at the garage and there was a kid whom I've never seen before waiting.  I realized that I was so used to being taken care of that it was strange to have to tell him what I wanted and how I wanted my meal brought.  I noticed that the chef got a phone call - it was Jenia telling them how to take care of me if I came in and he wasn't there.  Service got better after that.  So I realized that I really do like being taken care of and that it's all right to like that.  You'd think I'd have learned this before this age.  Jenia informed me today that he and Kate are taking me to Mirgorod for a brief holiday next week.  I said "sure" without even thinking about it.  There is no purpose in going except to enjoy my Ukrainian adopted family and see a city I haven't seen before.  I had to let myself know that I don't have to feel like I'm shirking duty to do that.  as you can see, I haven't got the hang of any part of this retired thing.  I am constantly amazed that Jenia and Kate have adopted me.  they text me good morning and they text me good night.  And they don't want anything from me except to be part of them.

and then there's that odd synchronicity thing.  An old friend, Jeff, with whom I haven't communicated for a few years, forwarded me a prayer of Fr. Ignacio.  I said his prayer and emailed him back that i thought it was sychronicity because I took Ignatius as priest name.  As I was sitting in Glossary today, I received a reply from Jeff punning on the Police album with that name.  As I was reading it, the music piped in to the restaurant changed to a playlist with the Police, Sting and U2.  The universe connects us.  We just have to look and listen.

Ok, I knew I had a long ramble in me.  I wonder how many will have the patience to make their way through it.  But, as always, I write and send it out there.  I don't require of expect that anyone read it or read all of it.  No expectations makes thing so much easier.

running out of gas

So, Friday evening is not going to see me out on the town.  Not at all.  I'm out of gas, I'm tired, I'm going to read and sleep.  My throat is a bit scratchy as it almost always is after long plane rides.  Planes are incubators of all the germs anyone is breathing out.  A transatlantic flight gives them enough time to reach everyone.  So, I am taking it easy, and if I don't feel better in the morning, I'm going to cancel plans with my friends tomorrow night.  They are going to a fabulous Cathedral which is part of a large monastery of women.  I don't want to waste time being sick, so I'll just take care of it in the beginning.  I'll keep you posted.

Is it really only the 3rd day?

As I woke up to the sound of my doorbell ringing at 8:30, I thought about ignoring it.  The garbage trucks had awakened me at 4:30 and I had trouble getting back to sleep.  So, with bedhead a t-shirt and commando jeans, bare-footed I opened the door.  It was my bishop friend, disgustingly awake and cheerful.  Now I know 8:30 isn't early and I'm usually up but I'm not used to drinking more than one beer and I was feeling lazy.  He had forgotten something when they all ran out of here in time to catch the last Metro last night - only a few hours ago, it seemed.  We chatted for a while before he left to meet a group from Russia who needed a tour of Kyiv.  He is a most excellent tour guide.

I puttered around cleaning up from last night and washing dishes.  I haven't unpacked yet.  Maybe today.  Somehow, it got to be afternoon and I have to go out in search of lunch.  After a beautiful sunny morning, it has clouded up and I can hear rumbles of thunder.  I'll wait till the showers pass so I don't get soaked (even with an umbrella) like I did yesterday, then I'll forage for lunch.

It seems unreal that this is my second full day in Ukraine.  I feel like I've been here for a long time.  The transition is easier each time.  I don't know what I'll do today but I know I want to stop in my favorite cathedral and light candles in front of St. Panteleimon, St. Barbara, and in front of an icon of Holy Mother.  My back can use a few metanias (deep bow) to loosen up.  Then I'll probably end up at Glossary.  If i've already found lunch elsewhere, I'll have a cappuccino.  Jenia finishes his 10 days of 12 hour shifts on Sunday night.  He tells me that he and Kate and I will "drink good beer and eat salt fish. Yes!"  You really have to hear that in a heavy Russian accent.  It was not so much an invitation as an expectation.  I guess family gets to be more demanding than ordinary folks.

I have so many more people to see who are currently out of the city, and some out of the country for this extended May Day holiday. I must have been crazy when I set up this way-too-brief stay.  I don't know why I didn't just stay 3 months.  As much as I am looking forward to a week in Romania and the friends I will see there, I find myself just wanting to be planted here.  I feel healthier here.  The walking and hills and people are good for my body and my spirit. 

So, i may be able to get to the cathedral before the rains hit, so I'm off.  More later.

Perfect end to my first full day

At around 7, Bishop Vladimir and Zhitomir Vladimir came to my apartment. Boris and Ivan came later. we ate and drank beer and talked and laughed and told stories for over 4 hours. They left in time to catch the last Metro.  It was a wonderful evening with good friends. On Saturday evening I will go with them and other friends to a women's monastery. I am SO lucky.

Thursday morning

I had forgotten from last year that May Day is a big deal in this part of the world.  It is a 4 day national holiday and many people travel.  There is a relaxed air and many fewer people are out and about.  It feels good to be home.  I'm glad I was able to get the same apartment as last time.  It added to the feel of comfort, even if it also contains the knowledge that the cupboard and fridge are bare and I must go shopping today.  I just about lost Wednesday with time change and travel.  It was almost 3pm by the time I got to my apartment.  I took a two hour nap.  I set the alarm for an hour and a half but couldn't get up before two hours. I showered, glad there was hot water, sometimes there isn't in the afternoon.  I walked uphill to Glossary Cafe, realizing just how achy and short-winded I was. I was able to get my usual table in the corner and Jenia came rushing from behind the counter for a vigorous handshake,grin and hug.  It felt good to have been missed.  He brought my usual openers: sparkling water (Morshynska brand) and cappuccino.  I had cabbage salad (I couldn't believe how "right" it tasted) and had savory chicken meatballs in a tomato sauce and buckwheat groats.  I remember when I first tasted groats.  I didn't like the strong taste.  Yesterday they tasted like comfort food.  Another cappuccino and I was ready to  go home.  It was just starting to get dark.  I read and finally got to sleep.  I was surprised that it was 8 when I woke up.   I showered and walked down to McDonald's on the main st., Khreshchatyk for a cappuccino.

When I caught up on all my emails, I left to walk back to the apartment.  I mentioned last year that there are often activities going on outside this McDonald's.  Today was an anti-nuke demonstration:  a young man with an anti-nuclear bomb sign, two young women in red tshirts shouting loudly, and the center-piece: a large, fleshy woman in a brassy blonde wig, ample boobs hanging, completly bare, large belly with "bad bomb" written in black letters, large bottom covered in hot pink bikini bottom, knee high boots, elbow length gloves, pearls.  very effective.  I could have taken a picture but figured it was a bit inappropriate for blogging. I LOVE this country.

Travel

Over the past few days I had an immense list of things that I hoped to accomplish.   I got the basics done.  There's an immense list of unaccomplished list items. Sigh.  The story of my life.

I was up at five.  I tossed and turned all night and found that I just got really sleepy when it was time to get up.  Coffee first.

Naida came to collect me around 9 and we arrived at the airport around ten.  I walked in and was surprised by six women from church there to see me off, holding signs in Ukrainian.  It was great to get hugs and kisses before flying away.  I also had several emails from my Orthodox bishop urging me to rest and self-care.

The flight to JFK was uneventful.  I was upgraded to first class.  I had a long layover at JFK so I hung out in the Delta Sky Club an snacked and drank coffee for a few hours before heading over to my terminal for a 6pm flight to Amsterdam.  I was in the center aisle of the KLM flight. It was a Boeing 777.  i had an aisle seat, the center seat was empty and the other aisle seat was taken.  After an excellent dinner with wine and a Heinecken, I drowsed for a few hours then read.  We arrived in Amsterdam around 7:20 Central Europe Summer Time (around 2a.m. New York time).  Now I'm hanging around for a few hours before my flight to Kiev.  So far it shows as on time.  If all goes well, we should arrive just after 1pm. After I clear customs and immigration, i will be met by my driver to go to my apartment.  I'll shower and nap for a few hours and walk up to Glossary Cafe, my usual restaurant.  I emailed my friend, Jenia, yesterday to pick up a SIM card for my phone and put some money on it.  So by tonight, I will have my Ukrainian phone number.

I'll post this now because I only have a few more minutes of interne service.  So far, all is well.